| |
|
|
| 02:10am 31/12/2008 |
| |
|
music: smash smash teh pumpkin
|
soooo... my holiday "break" was, admittedly, quite awesome. It was difficult to admit that, I assure you. I spent precisely one week away from Santa Cruz, I visited my gramparents, my grandparents, friends, and I further explored some caves- delightful. Today I got back at 12:00 PM or so, and then went to work. After work -9:30 PM or so- I was wandering back, hoping that Eddie was home so that I might be able to call up Scott, Owen, or Chase. . . or somesing... only Eddie was not here, so none of that could happen, and I was prepared to retire to a depressing night of internet, world of warcraft, and probably some mindless self indulgence... but instead, like. . . 5 minutes into cooking myself some disgusting sesame thai noodle leftovers from work, my doorbell rang. I answered it to an empty doorstep, and then Scott poked his adorable little face from behind the wall, and then so did Chase, and then Erika (Chase's best lady/girlfriend), and then moments later, Buck (Scott's roommate) busted through the door. It was the most glorious pleasant surprise of all time. We promptly went to Chase's and drank beer and played Rock Band 2, inevitably concluding in a far-too-loud, but nonetheless, heart-felt version of "Say it Ain't So" (thank you Scott). Then we went and ate dinner at the Santa Cruz diner. . . it was really an incredible night. . . g'damn. I have fantastic friends here in Santa Cruz, they have impeccable timing. |
|
| |
|
flying |
| |
| mostly for myself |
|
|
| 08:55pm 03/09/2008 |
| |
|
music: Okkervil River DUH!
|
but these are some books I need to read:
The Bell Jar
Catch-22
Lolita
Valis
Crime and Punishment
Notes from Underground
Okkervil River (lol)
The Metamorphosis
The Divine Comedy
and that should do for now. |
|
| |
|
1 bird - flying |
| |
| |
|
|
| 08:35pm 25/08/2008 |
| |
Jonnie and I: Unabridged.
Alright, I feel like it was somewhat unfair of me to write so briefly on the close of mine and Jonnie's relationship. When I knew that I wasn't going to follow Jesus Christ any more, I knew that Jonnie would either a) have to make some compromises in her set of beliefs to remain with me, or b) she would break up with me. At the time, I had hoped for the first, because to me it would have suggested this overly-romantic "let's be lost together" sort of thing, which sounded nice, sure, but was kind of unrealistic. I also felt that if she broke up with me over this whole debacle that I would be alright also, because I would have allowed my cynical self to decry the rigid social and moral constructs behind romantic relationships with Christian partner, my thoughts would have read something like, "well, if she is going to break up with me over religion, then fuck it, that's fine," which is trivializing the spiritual relationships of believers, but yeah... I was angsty, it happens. So neither of these were fair to Jonnie, I understand that; the first was asking her to modify what she believed for me, the second encouraged me to adopt a slight hostility towards religion. Also, I understand that breaking up with me was not something she was at all eager to do, it was really just, at the time, an unfortunate consequence. I do not revel in the fact, or intend to flaunt that it quickly became something more fortunate, but it did, and I finally came to grips with the fact that I was living somewhat of a lie with Jonnie, not dissimilar to the lie I was living as a "Christian," and they were appropriately, even intrinsically, linked: I have said this before, that the closest I felt with Jonnie was when I felt closest to God, therefore, inversely, it makes sense that my "losing God" would allow me to comfortably and quickly get over her. I dunno, this is actually really scattered, but hopefully it makes things a bit more clear. |
|
| |
|
flying |
| |
| so |
|
|
| 10:14pm 16/08/2008 |
| |
I've been reading this incredible book called "The Transmigration of Timothy Archer," by Philip K. Dick (dick, lol), and there is this fucking amazing part in it where Timothy Archer, the Bishop of California, (inspired by the actual Bishop of California James Pike) is having a conversation with his mistress's schizophrenic son. Now, see, the thing about schizophrenics, beyond abnormalities in reality perception, etc., is that the part of their brain that governs, among other things, abstract thought is not very active. So in this book the Bishop Archer is attempting to explain complex ideas like faith, and Bill (the son) is addressing everything in as purely a "logical" way as possible. For instance, Mr. Archer provides a hypothetical situation in which there is water under your car, and you can never really be sure where the water came from, whether it came from your car, or what is wrong with your car that might have caused water to leak from it. That even if you did uncover something to suggest where the water did come from, you cannot know because you never had the sensory input of viewing exactly where the water came from. But as Archer attempts to do this, all Bill can do is go into the complex mechanics behind car maintenance (he is very well educated about automobiles), where you can narrowly define where the water came from to the point at which you can conclude that it came from "this or that," whatever really, and then THAT becomes the truth. That, as I understand it, truth can be uncovered through careful analysis and breaking down of parts. It's such a great scene because Archer is just like. . . talking to a wall, and I dunno. . . the scene really does a fine job of outlining the incompatibility of practical thought and reasoning (from a Western viewpoint) with concepts like belief and faith. Hmm. . . good read is all, I guess.
EDIT: I am not attempting to take any sort of stance on the matter, nor is this some veiled attack on belief and faith, I just found it really interesting. |
|
| |
|
3 birds - flying |
| |
| I'll be back. . . . and I am back! |
|
|
| 04:24pm 08/07/2008 |
| |
mood:  pretty fabulous music: Brian Eno
|
Well, I was slightly encouraged by Veronica's continual updates of her own livejournal, and decided that it wouldn't be a terrible idea for me to try this out again. I am also trying to not turn my back on posts that no longer apply to me, because previously I often deleted such relics of the past, and there are a number of things in the few journal entries on here that are now slightly irrelevant to my character. A lot has happened.
I guess I will mention the most drastic shift in my life, which has been my gradual release of moral absolutism. . . I have finally come to grips with the fact that I do not believe in any god or deity, nor any power beyond that which we create for ourselves, which took me way too long, but I am much better off. It happened back in April as I was headed to my brother's in San Francisco for his birthday. I took the train and was listening to lots and lots of M83, which suited my pensive mood. Through the school year, every time I was not in class, or thinking about and studying music, I was always re-evaluating what I believed while still locking myself in this absolute shell of belief in God. I had really stopped moving forward with anything, and I realize now that my refusal to accept that I had no belief in God was the source of every bit of my existential angst. . . I was so unhappy, I cannot believe that I went on for so long. I swear, nothing rips an individual apart more than lying to ones' self. So on this train ride I really just allowed myself to be honest: I accepted that the pretty clouds in the sky had no design behind them; that any rhyme or reason I saw in the world was just like the figures I saw in those pillowy clouds' shapes, a product of my human imagination. I cannot tell you how relieving it was for me to accept this, I don't fully understand why, but I am reminded of a line from Fight Club: losing all hope is freedom.
Now, I still will not dare to consider myself an atheist, because I am not refusing or denying the existence of some greater power, I am just acknowledging that I do not even remotely believe in such things, and that as a "belief" it is no different from any other belief. I have no proof that after death I will turn into nothingness, that my consciousness will simply fade away. Anyone who claims such absolutes is just as ignorant as those extremist religious conservatives picketing at homosexual funerals. Now, I also understand how backwards this all may sound, that I do not believe in any sort of order and yet I still value honesty with ones' self. Which brings me to the fact that I accept, and am quite content with some of the values that societal living has impressed upon me. Sure I believe that at some point I was, to some extent, a "blank white page," but I am not anymore, and the idea of attempting to "resocialize" myself into something different just sounds absurd, A Clockwork Orange anyone? Also, as I am right now, I find a great amount of pleasure from many things, some of which are tied directly into what I believe to be right and wrong. Thus I find myself comfortably agnostic, slightly hedonistic, and, again, quite content with my socialized set of values, so I am not in any way becoming a nihilist. Yep yep yep, woo!
Next on the agenda! So in the midst of this existential "crisis" (if you wish to label it as such, I do not really), I was dating my young friend Jonnie, and we were together trying to make this excellent Christian couple, and so, well, ya know. . . I stopped being a Christian, so she broke it off with me. Which I admit was difficult to stomach at first, but then I got over it. The only reason it was hard at first was only because I had become so accustomed to being with someone, just as I had been accustomed to trying to be a resolute Christian kid. I had been leading myself to believe for so long, stubbornly even, that I would be happy with Jonnie that I had really started believing it, and I probably would have condemned myself to her if I hadn't inadvertently rescued myself. So this catalytic shift in my beliefs triggered the end of our relationship, leaving me single, sure, but much better off than I had been with her. So much so that at this point I am not sure whether I lost my religion and then lost her, or if I lost my religion to lose her. Of course it is not that simple, because I really did not believe in the things I was claiming to, and the relationship was not some hideous excursion or anything, I just realize fully now that I would not have been happy marrying her, I was perhaps too stubborn to realize this. so this whole debacle was an honest way out of the relationship, and it is a good thing it came about.
So that is a brief synopsis of what has changed with me for like. . . over the last year, very brief. As for now, I am really kicking ass at life. I am working full time at an organic foods grocery store for the summer, which is really fun for me to be honest. I feel like I am making a pretty good impression also, and it is just so nice to feel like I am actually spending my time on something worthwhile, like just realizing that I could drop out of school right now and still financially support myself is such a phenomenal feeling. This is purely hypothetical of course, because I do not want to stop studying music at UCSC, that is like. . . my joy right now, it is just nice to finally feel really independent (even though, yes, my parents do pay for my schooling). Oh, also, I think I have a crush on a lesbian, which I agree is quite hilarious, and, thankfully, only mildly frustrating, because as far as I see it, the worst thing that can happen at this point is we might become good friends. So yeah, I am really. . . REALLY happy with my life right now. That's about all I feel like typing at this point, I will update more frequently, oh yes yes, I will.
God bless jkjkjkjkjk
ok, that's just mean... |
|
| |
|
1 bird - flying |
| |
| heehee |
|
|
| 11:02pm 30/06/2007 |
| |
So I just got done with deleting almost half of the emails that had accumulated in my inbox for the last 3 years, and I am very amused because this Mogwai song came on that perfectly suited my actions. You see when I described this song to my buddy Adam, I told him that it felt like one of those moments in a movie where the main character is doing the "right" thing, but it is incredibly difficult and sad, and requires a lot of sacrifice on their part. I kind of want to describe it as the "sad epic," or something of the like. Hmm, "sad epics" usually belong at the end of a very powerful battle, and the camera is totally surveying the wreckage, both glorious and terrifying. . . kind of like that. Well, now I am going to go tackle the accumulated notes and cards I should probably be ridding myself of also. So trudge on weary Alex, trudge on! |
|
| |
|
flying |
| |
| koolo limpah! |
|
|
| 03:51am 08/06/2007 |
| |
ehreh
I have kind of made it a point to not put myself "out there" for a while, but during this recession into myself I stumbled across a somewhat startling thought: Am I really there for anyone? I mean, sure, I have been there to help people with things, and I know I have helped some in ways they would not have been if I were not here (you can call this "pride" if you want, but I am really just stating a fact) However, I wanted the question to really emphasize who I was there "for," I don't know if I've ever been there for someone else, myself certainly, but someone else, I don't think I am capable of that amount of generosity.
I can't shake how selfish and self-righteous I am all of the time, it is very dangerous for one to try on the judge's robe. I shouldn't feel the need to point out someone else's flaws, nor should I hold their sin against them. . . sigh. . . I just wish I could overcome the cowardice that is overwhelmingly present in my life, a cowardice Aaron Weiss describes as a "guise of tolerance." The alternative is so frightening though. . . but I guess if I can save myself the disappointment and discouragement, then why not? selfish selfish selfish. Any of you who are reading this, despite my imperfection and the supreme likelihood that I will disappoint you if I have not already, I promise that I love you. But I can't stress it enough how much more He loves you. . . I mean. . . He defined the word. Also, please comment on this if you have any arguments with me on my faith, I seriously want to speak about it with someone who doesn't believe. So. . . yeah.
love. |
|
| |
|
3 birds - flying |
| |
| |
|
|
| 02:09am 07/02/2007 |
| |
mood:  better music: Godspeed!
|
. . . and thus I realize that the only thing on Earth I can find permanent solace in is my God-given ability to create music. I always feel alone, and I have reached a conclusion that I will always feel alone as long as I think a "significant other" will remedy that. Music is the only thing that has ever made me feel completely whole, and I suppose this would explain why I intend to gear the rest of my life towards my improvement as a musician and as a studier of music. I do not care where my life takes me as long as I have that ability still with me, and thankfully, I always will. I think this is what it feels like to have a purpose, and I intend to fulfill that purpose, and in turn be fulfilled by living my life. I just wish I could have figured this out sooner. Well, I have some catching up to do, so excuse me. I sincerely love you all, and pray for your best, you are all wonderful.
-Alex |
|
| |
|
flying |
| |
| the "birds" period. . . only I don't paint |
|
|
| 03:24am 13/01/2007 |
| |
Birds birds birds, don't try to catch them with nets, but do set out nectar for surely they'll nest. And oh they'll come as you wish you shall see, always drawn back as long as you supply something sweet -oh but why'd I let you go. . . I guess I still don't know. But at least I've made some good friends, like Old Man Regret, and his son whom I don't get; born with a woman's name, a name I cannot forget- Now I understand that they will grow used to my kindness, and they will let expectation replace their timeless chirps; full of wonder -amazed-to which I must confess will support me just as well. And this well ain't dried up, so I hold to my words, and my words they can hold on their own. So leave well enough alone.
I think I liked that piece more when I first wrote it, now it seems a little too cocky, I hate how vague the digression is, because I feel like it could only make sense to me. I will just hint at my intent, and that is that born from regret comes a son, or the repercussions following a regretful action. Hopefully this gives you something more to work with if you wish to read more into this piece. . . Yeah, so Julian Fane makes music I guess I have already heard before, and while this could be a complaint in some situations, making music like this certainly holds on its own. Also if my previous complaint was an absolute determinant in what I like or dislike in music I would certainly not be allowed to enjoy Yndi Halda (an amazing post-rock band that sounds a lot like Explosions in the Sky and Godspeed), nor would I even be allowed to make music in Legato. I guess it is just a level of degree, I suppose some bands can take it too far, in which they sacrifice any and all artistic talent to emulate another group or artist, particularly if I feel they are doing it solely for financial gain. But right, before I continue, they are like M83 with Thom Yorke/Sigur Ros style vocals, maybe a bit more structured than M83 also, so a bit of The Album Leaf in there as well. And thus, if you enjoy any of these aforementioned artists, I suggest you go check out Julian Fane. And uhh, cherry honey is a flavor. . . apparently. Love you all.
-Alex |
|
| |
|
2 birds - flying |
| |
| |
|
|
| 04:29am 01/12/2006 |
| |
|
music: Saxon Shore (they are kind of amazing)
|
Oh, and bee tee double yew, I ruined my brother's old "longest day" record. I remained awake from Saturday 8:00 PM to Monday 4:15 PM, a total of 44 hours folks; the longest day of Alex. *applause*
Thank you, you're too much! |
|
| |
|
5 birds - flying |
| |
| a more recent work of mine |
|
|
| 01:26pm 27/11/2006 |
| |
I wrote this while on a Christian retreat while reflecting on the choices and decisions I have made. It is kind of dreary, but it ends in an optomistic tone. Also, like many of my writings, I sort of. . . find my rhyming and rhythm as I go along, it is always a mix between free write and structure. Here it is, untitled as usual.
I've been a porch dweller all of my life, and I am sorry that I treat you the same. I wish that saying because it's all I've known I would be excused from not inviting you into my home, but we both know that that's not truth.
Then why do I write this letter -Whom do I write it to?- if I am not sure it will pass through? I see right and I know wrong, but your praise still seems my least-spoken song. . .
Oh, I just hope one day to eat with you at my table. That from product of some distant fable, I will become more able. And I will learn like a foolish horse that there are items to be carried, that I should aid the donkey travelling in my stead. And maybe one day I will have the privelege he once did: to carry upon my back the Savior of all, the Son of David. |
|
| |
|
4 birds - flying |
| |
| A Tale. . . |
|
|
| 10:47pm 26/11/2006 |
| |
Alright, so today was insane. I will first provide some background to my story.
Okay, so I went to my friend John Flaherty's house for Thanksgiving. I met his brothers, who were totally sweet, and a bunch of his younger brother's friends, also very sweet. Thanksgiving dinner was totally delicious, some of the best stuffing I have ever had. The social atmosphere was sort of awkward though, ionno. . . I still enjoyed it, because I had a nice loving family and good friends to spend it with and num nums.
After dinner I watched countless episodes of Lost, a show I've never really watched at all, and I started watching through all of Season 3. I would not say I am hooked, but I am curious now, though I have probably ruined it by watching everything that will happen. But yeah, that aside, I stayed up the entire night and morning watching those, and then woke John up at 7:30 because we were to go get the Nintendo Wii. So we travel to this big shopping central (it is "Black Friday" by the way), and the Wii is sold out at all 5 stores we visit. . . LAAAAME! I do, however, learn that Best Buy will be getting another shipment on Sunday. So we go back empty handed, I fall asleep for an hour, John wakes me, we come back to campus, I sleep for 40 more minutes or so (a total of 1 hour and 40 minutes, this is important later, I promise). So I get back to my room, and I am exhausted, so I think to myself I am going to drop straight off to sleep.
WRONG!
Turns out I am going to begin constructing my master plan on how to get to San Jose early Sunday morning to get to the nearest Best Buy, to get myself a freaking Wii! And then the other 10 hours or so I spend playing World of Warcraft. . . good ol' wonderful WoW! So I go to bed at 3:30 AM Saturday Morning. Then. . . we wait. . .
17 hours later I wake up.
It is now 8:30 PM of Saturday, I decide I have slept for long enough, and get out of bed. I promptly finish making my San Jose plan which I will get to in a second, and have a wonderful chat with my good friend Nate, take a shower, play some more WoW until it is 4:00 AM Sunday morning.
I put on my jacket, get my water, get my metro station directions, and I begin running. I need to get to the Santa Cruz metro station (2 miles or so away) by 5:50 AM. I stop by a 7/11 and get one of the most delicious donuts ever, and get to the station at 5:30 or so (I was not running the entire time, like maybe a mile or so).
I then ride to San Jose on a bus, get to my stop at 6:45 AM. I, again, begin to run, because now I have another two miles to run before I get to the Best Buy. So after spastic bursts of sprinting, sore legs, and nearly completely wetting my pants, I finally arrive at Best Buy. . . there is already a line of 30-40 people. I think I am doing well with my time. Unbeknownst, I am not doing well with my time.
I am 34th person in line. . . there are 30 Nintendo Wii's. Interestingly, I was completely alright with this; I accepted this defeat much better than I think most would. I seriously put on my headphones, blasted some Of Montreal and walk-danced to the mall. So what is the cause of this inexplicable joy?
GOD! Holy snap! I was so just. . . happy! I was totally alright with not getting the Wii, besides I have much better plans on how I will get it now, it will wait till I get back home, but I think some of my friends would like to join me in my Esco ventures. But seriously, God is soooo ridiculously amazing. It was like he was just telling me "yo Alex, yer not getting the Wii right now." And so I was like "Okay dude, I am fine with that, I really am. . ."
And so I went and bought FFXII instead, and it totally rocks! Besides, it will hold me over till that Wii thing enters my hands. Really though, such a great day, you have no idea. Church this evening was AMAZING tonight as well, great worship and a very very well done message on homosexuality. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, he brought to the Bible and addressed it through that. And he managed to be very firm in what we as Christians are to believe, but he also shed any preconceived homophobic tendencies we as Christians might have. It was so good. Yeah, so love you and catch ya easy.
-Alex |
|
| |
|
1 bird - flying |
| |
| Just one more day. . . |
|
|
| 02:02pm 18/11/2006 |
| |
mood:  supah! music: Against Me! from Adam's computer.
|
Tomorrow! FREAKING TOMORROW!
The Wii and Zelda: Twilight Princess come out simultaneously! No, I am not buying them opening day, Santa Cruz does not have a Gamestop (?!?!?), but Wednesday! Wednesday I get both, and then 40 hours of the most long-awaited, and what will likely be the best gaming experience of my life. I can barely contain myself!
WOOOOO! |
|
| |
|
4 birds - flying |
| |
| Wow |
|
|
| 04:19pm 12/11/2006 |
| |
So. . . last night I went to the BEST show of my life. Easily tops all of them. Would you like to know why? This is why:
Top bands of the night(ascending order)
Explosions in the Sky/The Wrens- A tie, as they are both one of my favorite bands of all time, and they both rocked and post-rocked (hehe) like no other. My only complaint is that they both could have played for 2 more hours and I would have been happy. They were everything I had hoped though in their one-hour slots.
Deerhoof- Alright, first time I saw these guys with Radiohead I had kind of the same feeling, that of extreme joy, but this time that joy became super duper extreme JOY. They are such an amazing band, all are absolute tempo geniuses (geniusi?), and their music is too happy and cute for words. The little asian singer/bassist was absolutely adorable this time, and when she would rock out it was like looking at a movie in fastforward.
Then I saw Xiu Xiu and Showbread also. Both were rad. This show was amazing. The band I am listening to now, Asobi Seksu, was very excellent live too, very shoegazy, a lot of influence from My Bloody Valentine. Really good. |
|
| |
|
4 birds - flying |
| |
| Hey! |
|
|
| 02:36am 22/10/2006 |
| |
|
music: System of a Down (ohmygawsh yes!)
|
If you're on Myspace you can be on AOL Instant Messenger! Jeez. Yeah I'm talking to you.
Love,
Alex |
|
| |
|
flying |
| |
| |
|
|
| 03:56am 11/10/2006 |
| |
Yep. . . awake at 3:54 AM in the morning, I have one measly page of words due in 7 hours that needs to be typed, and I cannot think of anything to do aside from posting a pointless message on Livejournal complaining about my situation. This is sucko. Love you all!
-Alex |
|
| |
|
1 bird - flying |
| |
| aye! |
|
|
| 10:27pm 08/08/2006 |
| |
|
music: From Autumn to Ashes?!
|
So I am heading off for two weeks to the Land of Eire come tomorrow morning. Mmm, should be interesting. I doubt if I will post any photos I take upon this journal, so I apologize for that. My photography is not too great though, so you really are not missing out on too much. Mmmbye, God bless.
-Skip |
|
| |
|
flying |
| |
| Column #1 |
|
|
| 03:06pm 24/07/2006 |
| |
My employer, Rob, is a funny guy. He is fairly vulgar, but vulgarity rarely bothers me. Also, day in and day out, every chance he gets he provides me with advice, advice which I intend to share with you. So every day I receive a new piece of advice I will post it on here. I found this one to be quite humorous.
Rob's Advice Column #1:
"Don't go knockin' up chicks"
Well, that is it for today, I love you all and God bless.
-Alex |
|
| |
|
1 bird - flying |
| |
| |
|
|
| 10:52pm 16/07/2006 |
| |
mood:  mellow-yellow music: Tape
|
Hmm, this large blank spot I am about to begin typing in seems somewhat intimidating. . . this may or may not be attributed to the fact that I have very little idea of what I intend to type about. I have been thinking lately on one particular subject; for the sake of simplicity I am going to label this "subject" as intimacy. More and more frequently I find myself caring less and less how distant from those around me I have grown. I just arrived back from Summer Tour, and I truly believe that I grew far closer to God, my trust in Him is exactly where it needs to be, and I am so filled with joy -in spite of circumstances- that He knows what He is doing with my life. However, inversely to this growth of intimacy with God, I feel like the entire week I grew further from everyone around me. Part of this may be of my own doing, but another part of me feels as though this distance is inevitable, that because I will quite literally not be seeing anyone I am daily surrounded by, I feel completely alright with letting them go. I am not upset or troubled that such happenings are occurring, in fact I even wrote something on the matter not too long ago which I will copy and paste right. . . now!
"I cannot entirely describe what has gotten into me lately, but I find it difficult to enjoy things that usually make me giddy with excitement. Just everything seems very dry and bland, not because I am unhappy with any of it, nor am I exceptionally unhappy in general, I think I am just wishing summer would be over with so I can move into Santa Cruz. . . which to me seems utterly ridiculous, because just weeks ago I still felt terrified by the prospect of leaving. I do not know really, it may be some sort of cycle perpetuated by my tendency to pull away from others at times. . .and so now I lack connections, or ties that are holding me back here. . . or maybe it is the fact that even if I were to stay, everyone else would still be leaving. That makes little sense though, I do not think I would be clinging to Valley Center as a physical environment, I believe I would be longing for the high school years. . . perhaps. Well fact is, I am leaving. . . and for once I do not feel uncomfortable about it. I do not intend for that to sound offensive, I am going to miss you and everyone else. . . but I feel comfortable with the direction God seems to be taking me in, which is always a good thing."
While I have been typing this something a friend of mine once asked me has been resurfacing in my mind. It was a metaphorical query wondering whether a butterfly (social or not) should briefly visit all of the flowers it can, or if it is better to have a select few that will, as long as possible, promise nectar. I suppose a combination of both would be ideal, there are so many people to meet in this world to quote Andre the night he gave his testimony, "everyone has a story." There is so much to be learned from people, and I suppose it is inevitable that some, even the ones you grow closest to, may step out of your life completely. Either way, He is in control. . . and as long as you trust in God. . . oh man, the feelings are amazing. There is so much to worry about, but knowing he is there makes it all fine -holy crap the hugest spider is running around on the wall next to me, ahh! it's so fast! I am not normally one to be this terrified of small creatures, but something about spiders just seems so terribly malevolent. . . just the rigid body structure, or the eight legs, or all of those eyes, they seem like they were put together violently almost, like God wanted to see how creepy He could make something. . . though I imagine this was not His intent, as spiders do have a purpose in our world (beyond scaring the poo out of us) and that is controlling the pesky bug population. And that spider is gone now, but under/behind/near the desk this computer rests upon, so I rest upon a fragile foundation of tranquility. Oh jeez, there it is again! Well God is the best foundation anyways, goodnight everyone. I love you all, I may not be as close to any of you as I used to, but I still love you all the same. God bless.
-Ennghh |
|
| |
|
1 bird - flying |
| |
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
an_metaphor's journal